Friday, July 22, 2011

Anyone have a scale?

Normal workouts last from 45 minutes to 1 hour plus - I honestly don't think I can go back to a normal workout again! After just 1 week of power plate classes/2 power yoga sessions/1 day of running in Central Park, I have slimmed down enormously. And just in time to get into the more skimpy dresses I have, which are appropriate for the 100 degree plus stiflingly humid weather! It wasn't all due to my workout though, I also reduced my caloric intake and switched to having more salads, fruits, veggies and water into my diet.

But this 2nd week is definitely tougher, I can feel my muscles aching all throughout my body! I went to power yoga this am, almost didn't go but once I'm out of my apartment doors I don't turn back. And the more soothing instructor wasn't there - it was the tougher one. So as she's checking me in, she asks - what should I focus on today. And I say I don't know, I'm just tired and she said so am I , actually! And she goes super easy on the class - it was perfect, but somehow I still managed to sweat bucket loads....prob all the toxins from drinking the night before - 2 glasses of Rose.  After I polished that 2nd glass, I knew today was going to be a yoga day - not a power plate day.

But the point is I know I'm way down from the 132lbs I reported in June - but no scale to see how far down from it I am! I'll be able to weigh myself on Sunday - I can't wait for the results!

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Family Reunion.....I see why they happen!

Maybe because it was the very first one! Maybe because it was organized by a very no nonesense, beautiful, 5 month pregnant mother of 2 (my cousin) with the support of her handsome hubby and a few of us on the planning committee! But maybe its just because we were all so happy to be together in the same room in a long while! Whatever it was...there was no drama, no arguments, no fights - just dancing, laughing and embracing.

This reunion was for my mom's side of the family, both her parents have been deceased for some time, and there are 6 siblings who were raised together. Mum (Solange)- is the eldest, then its Aunt Paulinette, Aunt Yvette, Aunt Nicole, Aunt Fifi and Uncle Charlie is the baby. All relatively normal names compared to mine - not sure how thrilled I am about that! Charlie wasn't able to make it from Georgia and Fifi, who knows what her story is but true to form she's the black sheep of the family. Nonetheless they were both missed! When they all settled in New York, we all lived within a 5 block walking distance. I used to see my aunts/uncle and cousins all the time! And even though we parted when I was about 11 and they were 9 and younger its amazing how similar we are.

To start, I arranged for my cousin to pick me up from the train station - I'm a little at odds with my sister and I've had enough of her for a bit. Also, my other sister and her husband were staying with her and it always feels a bit uncomfortable around them, the judgements I think they're heaping on me - or that I'm projecting on them...Oh, i don't know - still searching for a therapist, people!! And that alone gave me a little anxiety for the evening, so I headed to the hotel bar for a drink.

On my way there - the crew of aunts begins to arrive - I go up to them and kiss them on the cheek and hug everyone, warmly rubbing their back - if you're going to hug someone do it right! Don't half ass and give them a half body hug, we're talking chest and torso pressing in and hold it for a couple of seconds - anything longer and its a little eery! In our culture, whoever's younger is expected to go up to whoever's older and you have to initiate the hello (even if someone's older by .30 seconds, they're still older) - and I don't mind the custom, it takes so little and it makes them happy.

The festivities start with my mum- true to form drama queen - coming outside and nearly collapsing on the welcome table. She makes me get up so she can have my chair and complains of a greuling headache. The music was quite loud and all that bass, I think the dj was American and he doesn't appreciate that Haitians do not love loud music - we like it to be auible, of course - but we like to be able to have conversation and hear each other, more. So, my aunt Yvette comes out with her, like the lookout of the crew and is like "ur mom has a headache, do you have anything".

But she keeps staring at me and I'm not going to back down, so I ask her "why are you staring, do I have egg on my face?" She says," no I haven't seen you in soo long, you don't call or keep in touch so I have to stare and take you in!" Humbled that I even thought I needed to be on the defensive - that was the sweetest compliment of the night- I had this wide smile on my face! I always liked her the best and liked going to her house - she was the most open aunt in that she spoke her mind in a playful but serious way, and we look alike - the same light brown complexion. At the end of the night I got her number, which has been the same for close to 30 years, yikes! And the bad niece award lands directly on my lap for that one!

Back to my mum's headache - I'm like, uh no I don't have pills - and I ask the other girls around - no one has anything. Very disappointing, as ladies - you should always come prepared as if you may be away from home for like a month, more or less. Then I remembered I'm carrying my evening bag but have my bigger bag in the trunk, with all the goodies in it. My cousin and I go get it, bring back a bottle of pills and give her 2 excedrin.

My cousin's husband gets a beer, my other cousin gets drinks for him and his wife...phew, I'm not the only alcoholic beverage drinker - anyway I keep it light, Kahlua and cream. Another cousin MC's the event - she's really good! And we all want this to be a success, so we're a great crowd. She gives out awards for the previous day's picnic activities. A few more cousins do a dance to some hip hop songs, then a very popular Haitian song, its very cute to see the torch paseed on to the younger generation. There's this random group of boys going from party to party singing and they sing.

Then the MC invites the sister's to get up and dance. My aunt Nicole is the first to go up - very telling about what I consider her personality to be - she's the 2nd youngest girl, so she has that syndrome of not being the youngest but wanting the attention the youngest receives, and so is the first on the floor has all the attention to herself for a while before the other joins. Then my aunt P joins her on the floor and hers is more of a serious dancer, showing that she can cut the rug and let her hair down type of thing and that she can still move, so its a bit more skillful and seductive, if you will. But their dance resembles what some African dances look like, bent forward at the hip and moving one side of the upper body forward, arms slightly flailing. We really are from an African tribe - I've never felt that but watching them dance last night, I absolutely felt it to my core. My mum is a bit hesitant - I have to grab her arm and show her I was going to make her go, so she acquiesce's. Hers is a more cautious watching over the younger sisters, not letting herself have too much fun type of dance! Miraculously her headache disappears an she's enjoying herself - 2 excedrin saved the night, child! I never leave home without them.

The floor opens up - we electric slide and some other things. No hiccups to the evening, I'm amazed. But that's what happens when brains, beauty and determination come together. I must say I am going to miss our Monday night skype conference sessions about the reunion. But I look forward to keeping in touch with everyone via phone, email and blog. I love my family, though it hurts like hell sometimes and it pulls at the heartstrings - I am bits and pieces of all of them. Most of all, we are strong willed and determined, as all of us have had to been given our culture and we will not yield!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Group and Power Plate...

My 2nd power plate class was yesterday at 7am and I was the only 1 signed up so I got personalized attention from the instructor. She focused a lot on lower body, with squats and such bc that's my problem area - so I was very thrilled about that. It was tough and intense - especially the core workout (planks, side planks, lifed crunches). I dragged myself home just feeling every muscle engaged. Now, trying to eat well and fuel my body. So far so good, but I know I'm going to need some kind of protein drink because my muscles are aching, so I had the naked protein drink - they have a lot of sugar so I saved half for the day after.

Group was intense again - my hats off to all of us brave females as we all have such stories which inspire courage, hope and love. As we share intimate details of our live, these are the emotions that I feel towards these women - my sisters. There are other emotions also, like immense anger! I can't help it - my anger has come back - I thought I had yoga'd it out of my system, but it is my constant companion. I'm not sure how to process it, so I"m having a biit of a tough time with that!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Somber Tuesday....

The week started off with a bang...Monday am I took the power plate class and today I'm feeling it especially in my lower glutteus area - it really zapped those tough spots. Work, with the Director I support on vacation - I'm point person and it can get daunting..but managed to do well! Then 7pm I went to zumba class and although tired was just overjoyed at being there and dancing the day's stress away. Today I'm wearing a wrap dress without the Spanx - mainly bc I left them at a friends place and haven't managed to get it - but just the same, my abs are tight, hips are smaller - I feel like I'm back to 125. I couldn't get into the plating class this am, they only have 5 stations and they were all booked for 7am, so i booked early and have 7am for tomorrow thru friday.

I'm also eating weel - started since last week, a boiled egg in the am with an orange or half a grapefruit, half a cup of coffee. Lunch - salad or brown rice & chicken and broccoli, or yam and salmon; dinner - yogurt and apple (something like that). All in all I'm feeling great.

The mum issue - I called her yesterday, she was happy and I can call her every week - it's a new dawn for our relationship. But she told me that a family friend's father passed away from cancer. I was shocked, I didn't even know he was sick! Her, my 2 sisters and myself used to hold up in our room choreographing and dancing to New Kids On The Block - Right Stuff, really fun and innocent times. But she is married with 2 kids, at least she has her husband to lean on. But her mother, who my mom was bff with has, is alone with maybe a pre-teen daughter to raise, I'm sure she's feeling it. It's just very sad news.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

A New Week....A New Workout, maybe New Apt!!

Trying to juggle looking at apartments, the heat and feeling lethargic all at once is not easy, most days I find myself too exhausted to do anything. I'm working with a broker, who's a go getter type - I really like her but she's on top of me about something or other every second! And while I've seen 2 that I really like, i'm just not ready to pull the trigger! I'll know by this week whether I'll put an application for 1 of the apartments. It's really cute, light yellow, a studio with a separate kitchen - looks over 72nd, I can totallly see myself there! But, if someone else snaps it up, it wasn't meant to be - I'm not on her timetable, she's on mine! And by making her wait, hopefully I can negotiate a better price...play the game or get played!

But tomorrow I start a new workout regimen - I wanted to start on Sunday but they are not opened today, so tomorrow 7am is when I go. its called the power plate workout, only 30 minutes long...you stand on this wide plate, in a variety of stances (lunges, squats, push ups) for 30 minutes and it vibrates in 3 dimensions, really working out the muscles. I can't wait, I hope I'm not too sore for work!

Monday, July 4, 2011

Back Home.....

Refreshed from spending the long, July 4th weekend with my sister on Long Island - it's gone as soon as I step on the train back to NYC. Maybe I'm really over the city? No, I'm over living with a roommate. So, here I go on the search for my own place, I am really thinking of the UWS - its close to where group is, 1 of the 2 apartments I saw is on the same block. And when I walked in there was this feeling of safe and calm that just washed over me! I've never felt that before, except when I'm at my sister's home. It's just missing 1 amenity that is soooo important to me! Can I live without it? I just don't know. I'm seeing a few more an will see how I feel about the all.

It's just such a big responsibility/undertaking - am I ready to have my name on a lease? But why not - I can't keep responsibility at bay, it's part of life. Making a decision, owning up to it and following through, the next part of my life!

Saturday, July 2, 2011

I dunno....

So at Tuesdays group I had a very powerful share about my mom and I haven't been able to think about much else. So I started composing a blog about her and us, and I just can't get it right. Long and short of it is that she's overcome a lot and I am proud of her.

At the beginning I was attached to the bottom of my mother's dress - she couldn't leave the house without me, I was her constant companion everywhere. Of course, I went through that teen angst/angry at everyone and everything phase where I listened to the melanchoy Oasis album, "What's The Story Morning Glory" over and over again - I now go running to it! I really never came out of that phase and never reconnected to my mother. But, she was never the warm, fuzzy type to begin with..when we were younger she was emotionally unavailable.

But I'm at a loss for how to reconnect with her. I really need to put a lot of effort into it and stop dragging my feet. Not that I'm with child or anything, but the maternal desire has kicked in and in thinking about when I have children (yes, there will be more than 1)and the relationship I want with them  - I can't help thinking about my strained relations with parents and I want to repair it. Seems so daunting to say it - but that's where I'm at!