Monday, June 20, 2011

Ok, Internet Dating...

Watching "Single Ladies" on VH1, I like that show - but Stacy Dash gets on my nerves...little goody 2 shoe.

Internet dating is how I prefer to date nowadays, almost exclusively. Why am I divulging? I confessed this to my hairdrstylist the other night and he said I have to blog about it, that a lot of women are hesitant to try it. Well, I'm here to rid you of your hesitation. 2 of the 3 relationships I've been in began via the internet. My good  friend Mary is now married to the man she met on Match.

Aside from dating someone from college/high school or who was in your past somewhere, there's just no way to screen and weed out men as efficiently as you can from interacting with them on the Internet. The down side, you'll never be sure if the person who shows up will match their picture. But I love the anticipation/excitement of walking into a lounge to meet someone for the first time, because it can go so well.

Tell me, where else can you choose 20 or so men, whom you have some attraction for, get to know them within an hour versus the 3 or 4 dates it usually takes, if ever. And get to know their true intention (hit and run or longterm). Without having to do up your hair, nails, waxes (you should get these done anyway), makeup, put on the most impossibly high heals (to elongate and slim down your legs), throw on and squeeze into some tiny dress (thank goodness for Spanx). Honestly, I think people are crazy for expecting to meet someone when they go out.

Talk about pressure and unrealistic expectations. What if he's not the best looking dude, you can't lose face in front of the girls so you automatically shoot him down. Online, you can get to know the person and may find beauty in his words, hopes  dreams, personality. Looks are not everything, but do not misunderstand me, looks are 50% of the deal for me. But I don't get completely hung up on it because there are other elements which enhances someone's beauty.

But before we get there - the most important things to do when you begin (and you will decide to try it, everyone has at one point)

1. Be Specific
   Know what you want and are looking for, go after it. Make no apologies for it, if someone does not fit the bill - don't think you can mold them to be what you want. Part of our beauty and charm, as humans, is that we're all individuals, different. We are attracted to one another because of this - once you begin trying to change someone, you're changing the very thing you liked in the first place.

2. Read Carefully
   A. Imagine you're a book editor and this book will get you that $1 million dollar commission but everything has to be on point. You're looking for clues, those im's/emails/texts are the interview/first date.
   B. If you're an educated woman and want a man who is educated - be sure you're looking at his usage of:  there, their and they're; your and you're; Spelling (I won my school's spelling bee after overcoming a speech impediment - so I'm a stickler). I called a guy out on his spelling and he responded, my keys are sticking -- ok, this can happen to anyone. But when you spell occasional, ocashional - there's an issue. I'm still laughing about that.
  C. If you're seriously looking for a partner - lookout for hints that he's seeing/living with/has babies with someone. Or is only looking for a good time.

3. Never ever have a first meeting in private quarters. Safety first - so this is self explanatory.

4. Just like you're not supposed to go to the supermarket when you're hungry, don't go out and meet someone when you're, to put it delicately, in heat. Because anyone will look great after a few drinks. Have a piece of chocolate - it will help, but just one piece, because you will be squeezing into that tiny dress for this date.

5. Show up - don't be late, smile, laugh, have fun, be a sweetheart. Whether he wants to get into your pants or is looking for a real connection, he has to do all the work you've done your part, you're there.

At this point, let things evolve and unfold however they may. If he's into you, he will hint at a 2nd date. If he doesn't call, email or text - "he's just not that into you" and that's ok, because there are so many more men to get to know online!

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