So, yoga has been my life the last 3 days. Trying to get my body and mind aligned, it has been so challenging. Today I did let go and felt an outer body experience during one of the poses, I believe devotional warrior - but then my mind started to wander again and I lost it. I can't even control my thoughts - I feel like I'm completely out of control and touch with reality, unable to trust anything I'm doing - that's a really scary place.
The reason I went to yoga - I saw a share I really liked yesterday and it turns out we go to the same yoga studio. So she said she does the sign in on Sunday am's and that she'd be there today, But she wasn't, neither was the usual instructor. But I got a great workout and now I'm watching the tennis match and federer battle back. I love the underdog, but I think calling him an underdog is unwarranted. They were just saying he's the best player of all time - so I always root for Nadal. But Federer was down 2 games and came back to win 1 and now Nadal serves for the championship....guess Federer isn't all that great if he's been beat by Nadal 17 times.
But my point is I love the underdog, because that's how I always feel - like the little scrappy girl always battling everything - my own judgements, false resonings, false logic, what I feel are the shackles society has placed on me and every single prejudice placed upon "sisters". Trust me, its an exhausting battle! When I get knocked down, I have to pick myself up by the bootstraps and forge ahead. I can't let it keep me down and that's what Federer was trying to do, find whatever it took, deep down from his gut and fight back one point at a time - alas he'll be taken over and we all will, in death. But while we are here, it is the battling which determines our character and person. I wonder what I will think when I reach my ultimate goal, will I relish in how the battle was fought, all the strategies or will I just succumb and say I'm never going to think about that and go through it again!