Wednesday, June 8, 2011

I'm not his lobster...it's finally sunken in

Hmmm, facing reality is never very easy. So I'm a bit wishy washy, I go back and forth on some decisions I make - never sure they were correct in the first place, I tend to go back on them and do what I said I would not do, convinced that all of the 3 days I tried something and felt/decided it isn't working, was enough. (Tough sentence, I'm sorry). I went to yoga this morning and feel so alive and open, on air from it - I feel like I can conquer anything or anyone, even someone who does not want me to conquer them.

No matter how much I try and push, he's really just not that into me! I'm not his lobster! Whatever catchy phrase you know of which translates into a guy not wanting a girl - insert it here and that's what applies to me. Acceptance/Admittance is the first step in overcoming anything. But, with all my heart - it hurts! This is me entering into a depression to get over it, that's how I cope.

Oh, just more Al drama. I just can't unravel myself from his grip. But I believe I finally have. I'm going to work very diligently to free myself from this awful cycle, that's my promise to myself this year. I'm deeply ashamed of my inability to do so thus far, and started this blog as a way to hold myself accountable, on a more public forum. I always thought myself so cool, calm, collected - able to overcome any obstacle, and now I'm unable to nip this in the bud. Well, I wll - I will look back on this and smile a little smile and think about how foolish I was.

But I forgive myself for indulging in this for so long. I choose to move forward from it now.

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