Monday, June 13, 2011

Crazy in Love....

"Got me looking so crazy in love, looking so crazy, your love's got me looking got me looking so crazy in love"

This was the theme of the next chapter of my story with Frank! Ahhhhh - this is going to be tough! SO, I'm goin gto keep this brief.

In our dailylives, we always have to sensor ourselves, you wouldn't tell the crazy man who's walking towards you with a wild look in his eyes, cursing out loud to himself on the streets of nyc (this happened to me today as I was walking home, by the way) dude - you're crazy, let me get you to Bellevue! In the same context, you shouldn't say everything to everyone as you're thinking it. Because we think it then step back and ponder on it, then come to understand it. As 2 kids in our 20's we hadn't quite developed the stepping back and coming to understand part of the deal.

We were fierce, stubborn, passionate, unyielding, incapable of seeing anything past the now/immediate, young, stupid, eager, blind. He met my family and I met most of his family, I'm sure neither were thrilled. We were from 2 vastly different cultures - we thought love would conquer all, but it didn't and never does (a conclusion I have only recently come to). But, we hung in there for 4 long years. We just wore each other down...the relationship ended. I was devastated, I had put all of me - everything I was and felt into the pot. I felt like I failed, the first time ever. First of a few failures!

I couldn't get over it for some time. I was so angry, I can still feel it. It was a painful and scary time. With the help of my cousin I coped. We broke up in August/September - by May of the next year he told me he was engaged. Now, all sorts of ideas were flowing around my head, an influx of accusations came to my mind. I was livid, hurt - talk about a sucker punch to the gut (why did I decide to write a blog, oh yeah catharsis, therapy, closure - all that good stuff).

So, he was supposed to get married that September, I believe - but they did not, the engagement was called off, that's all I know. I believe that summer is when I first bumped into AL. But, Frank and I have buried the past and are on amicable terms.

No comments:

Post a Comment