Friday, May 20, 2011

Not Even 24 hours later and I've been crushed....

So throughout the day Al and I go back and forth on text, about plans for tomorrow. What I gather is he was not being (whatever - the word eludes me). But he may have someone stay at his place and wanted to feel me out about staying over.

This is basically the norm of our relationship, but we're not in a relationship - let's call them interactions. He'll be very sweet and charming as long as it suits his agenda (and my brothers warned me of this when I was in my early teens), then dead silence for a time. Over and over again, this is our cycle. Well you know how an addict needs to hit rock bottom before they can start to get better. This is me at rock bottom and I've been here before but I always manage to get looped back in. Well truth be told last time I looked into his eyes I didn't feel like a teenager, I knew exactly what was happening and it was fine - but no butterflies, just me being an adult and making an adult decision. But I convinced myself of a false idea/ideal and now I've been burnt for the last time...especially since I have to report on it and be held accountable by you, the reader. So embarassing - I think I'll die of embarassment before anything else! I'm sure there will be many more texts between now and tomorrow, I certainly hope not...but that wouldn't be the norm. I can say with all my heart that this is the end of the road for Al and I, there will not be another charming episode with false hopes and me left to scrape myself up from the tar of the paved streets of Manhattan. Basically, it's cold hearted biotch mode. Never again.

I leave you and myself with that thought as I head home, not to a pint of cherry vanilla Haagen Daasz, because I'm depressed no one will ever love me, but to face my workout with Shaun T towards my goal of a 6 pack in 55 days' time. I'll check in after my workout.

No comments:

Post a Comment