Friday, May 20, 2011

He's Her Lobster.....Where's Mine?

So, does everyone remember the friends episode with the lobster? Phoebe postulates "It's a known fact that when lobsters fall in love and mate, it's for life. You can actually see old lobster couples walkin' around their tank, you know, holding claws like." Then when Ross and Rachel finally get together and kiss, Phoebe goes "see, he's her lobster".

Well we all have, in the back of our minds, someone who we think is our lobster, "the one". If  you're married, hopefully it's your significant other and if not, wow, I'm sorry for you. Lately I've been feeling that there are several ones. But "Al" is at the top of the list. I spoke about him in my first blog. The mid 40 year old, brilliant mind, driven type, who's uber educated, so smart and that combination is very I'm intoxicated, and honestly cannot think clearly when it comes to him. The bad - oh how about elusive, slightly delusional, acts like he's 30 something, you know, the playboy wannabe type, with a girlfriend conveniently across the country. Why would any man choose a relationship with someone within their town who they'd possibly have to see everyday and be accountable to - too much commitment and it'd cramp his lifestyle. Oh, you've got to love the game, Hardly!

It's sad when a grown woman of 30+ years reverts to a gushing teenager around anyone - but that's me, and sometimes I can't do anything about it. It's like a hormone has taken over and is running my body, you know ladies, like during our cycle!! And this is Al's effect on me - butterflies like no one's business, so engrossed that I forget myself. But should we always be looking for the butterflies, or is a relationship where there are none the better choice. This is my dilemma - I waver back and forth between the 2.....Someone who's Mr. Dependable, kind, considerate, thoughtful, always there for me, wants to commit to me and always thinking of me or the semi jerk who's elusive, acts like a teenager, inconsiderate, ends up hurting me, but gives me! I know what the mature answer is, but the heart wants what it wants...and for now, thats Al.

So, I invited Al to an old friends bday soiree Saturday night on Tuesday and he rarely replies to anything the same day (gotta break him out of that habit). I was skeptical I'd hear from him but he's just sent me some replies - yes he's been sick and running around interviewing, I get it. Since he wants to rest this weekend, he counters with an offer to go see a movie with him before or after the bday event. Who goes to a movie that late, especially if you need rest? Not sure what he's thinking with that one. But this actually progress, trust me this is progress! But have I really come to accept so little, what does that say about me? Ugh, I dread the answer to that. But I will continue with the Al saga later on, I have a lot of work to do.

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