Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Cold Sores and Lobsters...

Nothing like a few clusters of cold sores to let you know you're overdoing it and need to take it easy. So, no Insanity for me tomorrow - I'll take tomorrow off  and hopefully will be back at it Thursday/Friday.

Back to Al, so we met about 5 years ago and dated for a few months. I met someone else and dated him for a few years. I get out of my relationship and decide to send Al a friendly email. Eventually we meet up and seemingly pick up where we left off. A week later he tells me that he doesn't want to lead me on, blah blah blah, that he has a girlfriend - but she's ailing so they're unable to be intimate. My heart stopped, AL is not the type to call anyone girlfriend - or so I thought. So, he's playing the role of white night/dutiful boyfriend but having his fun on the side...how did I fall for such a prize - loneliness over the end of my relationship? That feeling of desperation? Needless to say I keep seeing him, again the worst few months of my life...I've never felt so ashamed of myself. I just avoided asking questions and prayed and hoped he would come to see that I was his lobster (hahaha, oh boy).

I go to an event he's hosting with my wing girl, Lisa. Now, he calls me the night before to inform me that his ailing gf will be there. I ask, do you not want me to go? And I said I'm bringing my girlfriend, who's into the topic and I am not expecting him to fawn over me. So, we go and I purposely avoid looking in their direction - but do bump into him eventually. I never see her face, though. Eventually I google his name and see another name and it just feels like this is the name of his gf. Just today I decide to google her name and this pic comes up, from facebook with her and him...I'm so tempted to ask a friend who lives where she does to friend her and see her status - because for all I know they can be engaged! Honestly, WTF - Fine, it will take me a little to get over it - and I'm upset about that, so now I'm going to be upset for the night. Ugh.

My wing girl said to me, more or less "maybe I'm setting my sights too high". I'm just putting it out there because I always think about that comment...and I know why. Because I have overcome so much to get to where I am, not that its a perfect place by any means - but its a really good place - that I don't believe anything or anyone is beyond me. But now that makes him a challenge that I want to prove to my friend I can overcome...how silly am I?

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